Thursday, January 14, 2010


There had never been a period in my life, however brief, where I’d spent as much time primping and grooming myself as I did when I worked at the restaurant.

 Diana of course, was the sole reason behind this phenomenon as everything had to look and smell just right for her.

 Working with Diana was like a dream come true as I couldn’t wait to wake up each and every morning knowing Diana was going to be a part of my upcoming day.

 I loved ... and I mean absolutely loved, going to work and hearing the sound of her voice as I playfully watched her ponytail bounce and sway as she gracefully walked back and forth throughout the restaurant.

Every moment I saw her ... was like seeing her for the first time.

God was she beautiful.

(This was pretty much how I envisioned her)

It was also nothing short of a miracle when my acne riddled and nuclear explosion of a facial complexion mysteriously cleared up just hours before Diana and I would meet for the very first time.

 Even to this day, I’ve never had better looking facial skin than I did at the time.

 I have no real tangible explanation for it, other than it just magically disappeared the night before Diana and I would meet, as hard as that is to believe.

 It was also just as hard to believe and fully comprehend why Diana was spending so much of her time with me, an extremely dorky and ugly looking nineteen year old geek, rather than some of her more attractive male coworkers.

Whenever I fell behind or needed assistance at work, which was quite often and sometimes done on purpose by me, Diana would always be close by and ready to help.

 I just assumed she was keeping a watchful eye on me because I was a horrible waiter who needed constant supervision.

 The future, however, would provide me with an altogether different explanation.

During the first week of the restaurant’s opening, something happened to me I still find hard to believe as it was by far, the biggest surprise of my life and one I’ll never be able to forget.

 It singlehandedly changed the direction of my life and steered me upon a path I’ve never been able to return from.

 It’s tormented me all of my days since.

This unforgettable and twilight-zone-of-a-moment occurred when Diana approached me at work one evening, completely out of the blue, and asked me what I was I doing later on.

 Amazingly, I managed to keep upright as I mumbled out the incredibly stupid words, “I don’t know.”

Diana, who I think was somewhat surprised by my non-answer and lack of enthusiasm, hesitated for a moment before she coyly informed me she was staying at the Comfort Inn Hotel in Downers Grove (Illinois) - along with the rest of the training staff from the restaurant - as I stood in front of her gazing at her as if she was a little green alien from outer space.

 She went on to tell me, as I continued to stare at her in utter disbelief, “You should come over,” and me being the moron I am responded with, “What’s there to do over there, do they have a pool?”

 “There’s a Jacuzzi,” she sheepishly smiled at me and said shortly before our conversation was rudely interrupted because of something work related though I don’t remember what it was.

 The restaurant could’ve been on fire for all I cared. I was in the middle of a lifelong dream, to hell with everything else.

Five seconds later...

“Oh sweet Jesus, oh God, what have I done?”

 “You stupid, stupid, stupid, idiot … what was I thinking?”

“Why didn’t I just say yes?”

My sheer stupidity and overall demeanor with Diana hit me like a ten pound brick the second she hesitantly turned and walked away from me and sadly, it could have just cost me the opportunity of a lifetime.

 But even amidst all my regret, sorrow, and inner crying, there had never been a single moment in my life where I was filled with as much hope and optimism as I was shortly after Diana asked me to come over.

I felt like Rudolph the red nosed reindeer right after he discovered the doe he liked also liked him in return.

Especially when he began flying through the air screaming, “I’m cute … I’m cute … she thinks I’m cute!”

Unfortunately, that feeling wasn’t all Rudolph and I had in common as we both had physical flaws yet to be discovered by the females of our affection.

 In Rudolph’s case, it was a big shiny red nose and in my case, it was some big shiny red zits.

Thank goodness Diana still asked me if I wanted to come over before either of us left work for the day considering I wouldn’t have even though she made the first move.

Fortunately, there were no screw ups or brain farts the second time around as I calmly responded with a yeah when she asked me if I wanted to come over again.

 The images and fantasies I created during the remaining few hours of my workday were as vivid and imaginative as anything I’d ever dreamed.

Was tonight the night I’d lose my virginity or was she only asking me over as a friend I wondered.

 Did she invite other coworkers to join us as well?

Perhaps she was just trying to be nice to me because of how pathetic I looked and acted at work, though I guess it didn’t really matter since all I really cared about was seeing her again.

Now a normal person would have showered and cleaned up before heading to a beautiful woman’s hotel room but not me … nope … I decided to go to my friend’s house to do some good old fashioned bragging.

This woefully pathetic occurrence must have happened on either a Friday or Saturday night because two of my closest friends and I usually got together on these wild party nights to play Nintendo baseball at my buddy’s house, or his parent’s house I should say, and that’s exactly where I found them that night.

 I was so excited and eager to tell them a beautiful looking woman had invited me to her hotel room, I didn’t even lie to them and say she wanted to have sex with me.

 Instead, for one of the few times in my life, I told them the truth and I didn’t know who else would be there and what, if anything, we’d eventually end up doing.

I was so awestruck and dumbfounded whenever Diana spoke to me, I would seemingly forget everything she said to me, including the directions to her hotel earlier in the day.

 Luckily, I was able to remember the name of her hotel and what town it was in so I could call ahead for directions.

 So like a beloved but unproven king slowly riding atop a beautiful, all white stallion towards the lowered drawbridge of his Camelot-like castle, all the while in the midst of a kaleidoscopic downpour of colorful -  swirling flower pedals and thunderous applause, I unknowingly became the king of my own destiny by bolting out of the safety and comfort of my adoring kingdom and out unto the unknown frontier to conquer and slay a mysterious and dangerous looking dragon that could forever define and shape my legacy as a man, metaphorically speaking that is.

 So after receiving congratulatory goodbyes, envious stares, and good luck wishes from my best of buddies, off I went to Diana’s hotel room on what I hoped would be the night of nights for me.

Would Diana tell me she liked me?

Would I get to kiss or even have sex with her?

The hopeful nervousness I felt on my journey towards Diana’s hotel room that night was something I’d never experienced before, at least not to that degree, and I didn’t even know if she liked me.

 Maybe I was nothing more than a sympathetic coworker to her?

Even though I didn’t really know anything about Diana, it felt like I’d been waiting for her my entire life, almost as if I had dreamed her into my existence.

 Everything about her was perfection to me, like a fantasy come true.

I’d fallen in love for the very first time.

(This video pretty much sums up how much Diana was on my mind -albeit it was her face doing this )

1 comment:

  1. I was in love with someone who didn't love me back. It ruined my chances of letting someone else try to love me.. for a very long time. I would constantly think.. If I get involved with this new relationship, what if Mike wants me after all..? It was unhealthy altogether.. and sad that even after fifteen years now and a wonderful relationship, I still think of him.