Thursday, January 14, 2010


There’s something different about the beauty of a summer sunrise after you’ve kissed the night away dreaming about love and even though the outcome of last night’s festivities didn’t play out the way I'd hoped, there was still a slight chance Diana might ask me over again later in the day.

Since it was already too late to try and salvage some sleep for the day, especially since I slept on the busy runway of my grandmother’s living room floor, I figured I might as well get up and do something about one of the more embarrassing mistakes I made just hours earlier.

My decision not to go home and change into something other than the dirty, smelly work clothes I’d been wearing all day was just plain stupid.

Never again would Diana see me after work still wearing my filthy, food stained green polo shirt, maroon apron, and disheveled khaki pants.

Tonight if she asked me to come over again, I’d be dressed to impress.

Now all I had to do was find something more appealing to a gorgeous nineteen year old hottie rather than a dorky, nineteen year old geek.

So having thrown caution into the wind, I decided to bypass all of the big discount retailers I usually patronized in favor of the more upscale and considerably more expensive offerings of the finer clothing establishments located inside the local mall.

Like water and oil and cats and mice, so to were fashion and I.

If ever there was an oxymoron it was me being fashionable.

But desperate times called for desperate measures and what I was compelled to do next required all of the perseverance, will power, and courage I could muster.

I had to willingly shop inside the mother and toddler infested local mall and pay for a bunch of overpriced, name brand clothing I could have easily gotten cheaper somewhere else.

But then of course, that would have defeated the whole purpose of my field trip since I wanted the fancy labels, names, and shopping bags that came with the extravagant prices inside the shopping mall.

For one of the few and rare times in my life, money was no object to me.

I was willing to spend and wear whatever it took to impress Diana … no matter what.

My brief exposure to and impression of Diana’s fashion tastes, outside of work, led me to believe she was more of a hippy type of chick who would prefer to wear a necklace of beads or seashells over a necklace of silver or gold.

So after careful consideration and countless hours of shopping inside the belly of the beast, the shopping mall that is, I confidently picked out a couple of fashionable short sleeved shirts and shorts and just to make sure my selections were as stupendous and trendy as I thought they were, I asked a young and nicely dressed saleswoman for her opinion on my obvious good taste in clothing.

To say she was somewhat dumbfounded and amused by my fashion choices would be putting it mildly at best, the first clue coming when she asked me if was going on vacation to Hawaii.

I thought it was rather ingenious of me to chose a pair of colorful, flowered dress shirts in order to impress a woman with a down to earth demeanor.

I could tell by the way the sales lady was biting her lip she was trying not to laugh at me as I told her what I was trying to accomplish.

She politely recommended a different line of clothing more suitable for a young lady’s eyes while kindly helping me select a pair of silk, short sleeved shirts and a pair of jean shorts.

One of the shirts was black with gold colored leaves while the other one was tangerine colored with an array of yellowish, greenish shapes and figures that looked very hippy-like, or at least to me it did.

Last but not least, I needed to buy some underwear other than the predictably boring, white cotton briefs I wore every single day of my life.

They weren’t what I needed for the impression I wanted to make on Diana, I needed something with more pizzazz.

Something that would show her even though I looked like a mild mannered goody-goody on the outside, I was a sexual tiger ready to unleash his beastly passion on the inside.

So being the brilliant and romantic guy I was, I bought a tube of three animal printed briefs symbolizing the zebra, leopard, and tiger.

With spontaneous and romantic planning like this, does it surprise you I never had a girlfriend or even a platonic female friend during my entire life?

I didn’t think so.

(If the only way to keep Diana in my life was to dream about her ... I would've gladly stayed asleep forever)

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